In the past two years, I don’t know if it was because I lived alone, I suddenly became the object of conversation with several female friends, often starting at eight or nine o’clock in the night and continuing to chat until eleven or twelve o’clock. They talked to me about love, marriage and family, as if I was an expert in this area, but maybe they just thought I had a lot of time at night.
One of my friends told me that she really wanted to buy an apartment for herself, and went there to live there for a while and no one was there. Some kind of Zen dance; another friend suddenly set up a WeChat group called "Single Alliance" and pulled me in. I saw that there were already eight ladies, all of them in their forties. , After a while, a lady may think that the word "alliance" is too rigid, and changed the group name to "Single Fairy"...
"Fairy" is a joke word, "Alliance", to use a cliché, is just "warming in a group".
Can "holding a group" be able to "warm"? Putting down my friends' phones, I just feel like the night is longer. After all, people and people are just lonely individuals, and even if they are very tight at a certain moment, they still have the urge to bounce off each other. Not passively, but actively bounced back and returned to his own pain.
Later, I learned that the Zen dance danced by my friend is a physical dance that relaxes the muscles and bones. It claims to be “invisible and unrestrained”, but in fact it has no rules. The important thing is the atmosphere where everyone gets together to relax. A way of spiritual healing. That's right, in the era when everyone said "I'm depressed" at every turn, all kinds of spiritual healing methods rubbed the slightest bit of psychological theory like traffic flow, and after packaging, they were launched one after another. Interestingly, many highly educated people also become fans. Xu is naturally cautious, and I lack trust in the flood. According to my narrow understanding, no matter how many divisions there are in psychology, the method of psychiatrist therapy is still inherited from Freud, that is, to help the subject to open the subconscious and explore the trauma hidden in the soul. I admit that this kind of diagnosis is helpful to one's self-understanding, and thus to one's mental health, but because of the less solid assumptions on which these analyses rest, their limitations are obvious—nothing As for limitations, humans are inherently limited animals.
This novel is my reflection on "limitation".
To disregard the "limitations", but to trust a doctrine completely, even to guide life, would be a sacrifice. Life is so vast and complex, far from being explained by a system or a set of programs, so I wrote about the failure of book knowledge and even theoretical knowledge to monitor life, but I have no intention of using it in the text. It resists some kind of restraint or trampling on human nature by the system or program, but tries to show the deep sense of powerlessness that people have when facing the unpredictable life situation, even though people have so many created and gathered things. mental strength.
This feeling of powerlessness, I did my best to pass on to Yang Dongyang in "Bing Di". It can also be said that she is my shadow, and I feel so sorry for her.
The relationship between men and women is the most natural relationship between people. Beauvoir recognized the "friendship" between men and women, and in "The Second Sex", emphasized that this "friendship" is a "higher victory" and "a realm of freedom to be established by man" , which seems to be an idealized ecological scenario.
As a female writer focusing on the subject of relationships between men and women, what I've learned is that the relationship between men and women seems to be increasingly alienated and isolated under the guise of their own separateness. This is naturally related to the development of social civilization, to the characteristics of the era of profit-seeking, and to the separation of women from patriarchy. But no matter what, in the most natural, common, and extensive relationship between men and women that is created and constructed by the most primitive "sex", it is not enough to have only the animal or naturalness of "sex". Only with the participation of love and love will it become romantic and beautiful.
I believe this, and I make the character in my novel, Yang Dongyang, believe it, and spend my life trying to test it.
In the novel, after the divorce, Qianzhen does not want to enter the marriage life again, and uses frequent changes of boyfriends to resist the emptiness of the emotional world; "I" is a pessimist. Since it is difficult to explore the meaning of life, I simply no longer cling to it. Anything, confused marriage, confused separation, is completely pushed away by the torrent of life. The emotional lives of these two women are one within marriage and the other outside marriage, but they are both pale, indifferent, volatile, and turbid. In the current society, they may be representative to some extent. And Yang Dongyang is an exception. She believes in the beauty and purity of love, she believes that there is something in the world that can repair broken love, and she believes that even the cruelest time cannot take away the brilliance of love.
It is a pity that Yang Dongyang failed.
So, since I believed it, and I made Yang Dongyang believe it, why did I still write down the words of failure?
Like in reality, my buddy finally bought herself an apartment, but instead of it becoming her soul habitat, it became her zither studio for subsistence, another buddy of mine weekly Persistence in dancing Zen is only temporary to gain inner peace, and the group of "single fairies" that I mingled with has been lively for a while, and then there is no more text. Novels can't exist against certain laws - for example, novels need realistic Nourishment, novels need calm observation, rather than lively and casual participation and so on.
In fact, this is the inevitable result of man's own limitations. Man's "belief" may be just a kind of "belief," but without these "beliefs," how empty and desolate one's life would be.
In this sense, it is not fiction that needs the nourishment of reality, but reality needs the nourishment of fiction.
Over the years, reading novels and editing novels have been my job, and writing novels and poetry has taken up my spare time. Such a person who has nothing to do except literature, has a busy life, and has a free heart, which is indeed a gift of fiction.
Going back to "Bing Di", the disappearance or death of Yang Dongyang can be regarded as a failure of idealism. The confused "I" who follows the trend has gained her husband's understanding after revealing her feelings. It can be regarded as a reality under heavy pressure. With respite, this design is probably because I, a fictional person, still has "belief" in hard times. I believe that if it is not here, it may be there.
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